diary reminder

fashion weekend is coming!

the major selling point of this outing is that, theoretically at least, it will be one massive weekend of bargain hunting in the one giant expo centre. this comes after years of everyone feeling so envious of londoners for having london fashion weekend, but never doing one over here

even fridays have to be earned

i have a teleconference next week..

have the files i don't even know, but that's ok. i said i will figure them out on monday because i am busy doing work today (for someone else)

and then, the prize winning employee of the decade said:

"oh one of those files should have been closed ages ago"

i said, "oh, so it hasn't?"

and the PWEotD said:

"no, there were all these actions that needed to be done. did you do it?"

i said, "no, i haven't received any notifications, i haven't even looked at it."

and then it (because SHE would imply that this was a human) said:

"oh, just shut it down. otherwise the client will be so angry."

i said, "but u just said there are actions outstanding!"

and it said:

"it should be ok, just shut it."

and i said, "i'll just explain to her at the teleconference that i will complete them shortly and shut it. i don't have time today plus i don't want to wind up in trouble shutting down something i didn't even know about"

and my throat started burning and my head was throbbing and i wanted to turn into a dragonball creature and throw a fireball at her so she could feel how i feel

this episode is in my "what not to do" series now..

i emailed tian and told her that i too now have an ABC or XYZ of my very own. she is the entire alphabet.

lucky lucky me.

where are you karma?

TGIF

OMG finally it's friday

so glad i don't work saturdays

just need to get through one more day

Results: FAIL

How well do you handle stress?



Mostly As


You are convinced that achievement is the way to gain respect and approval. Failure is not an option, and criticism upsets you because it makes you question your self-worth. You allow little time for relaxation because keeping busy is the best way to keep self-doubt at bay. Unfortunately, your way of dealing with stress is to view it as a weakness and an obstacle to overcome, denying any symptoms, and perhaps ignoring the early warning signs of serious illness. It’s important that you slow down and acknowledge the effect that stress can have on your health – such as insomnia, fatigue, increased blood pressure, headaches and more. It’s time to look at relaxation techniques – take a yoga class or find an outlet for some of extra adrenaline you’re carrying around.

Don't let it get to you? Go to a happy place?!

How can I not let it get to me??

I am here, and it is all over my intray, until even my outtray is just one more intray. It already got to me. Past tense.

My happy place is like, Fendi, on sale, with all the ridiculously cheap prices in rupiahs with Mariah Carey blaring on the sound system and FRIENDS on repeat in the background. Did I mention that in my happy place I am also 3 inches taller and wear a size 6?? And no one is in the background throwing all the random tasks that were overdue before I even started in my direction.

My manager hates Mariah Carey btw, so that already cancels out part of my happy place.

Meanwhile, more and more nonsense piles up and I don't learn anything aside from 50 different ways to hyperventilate into a folder that says "Legal - Urgent - Respond Immediately".

*headache*

Tupac did not give me any pointers on what to do next...

He should have suggested:

• Keep your head up
• Unless you are in Inverted V pose - and then look at your knees
• Keep trying
• Resist the urge to throw everything due back in August 2007 back at the sender and say, "if it wasn't urgent then it's not getting done now"
• Keep breathing
• Shrieking wastes oxygen
• Smile and wave
• Make faces in the reflection of the monitor when yet one more person rings you, emails, writes you, faxes you to say "oh how come this hasn't been done yet?"
• Don't freak out, see shriekin
• Don't resort to substance abuse

I am tired of being tired. It's only Monday. GAH.

Happy place.
Happy place.
Happy place.
Urgh.

I will wear my Fendi scarf, bring my Fendi bag and upload all my Mariah Carey songs onto my ipod and start again tomorrow. Plus, then I can wash my Les Pliages...

Congratulations to Ervin and Grace

i cried so much, on and off and on and off...

when i wan't crying, brian and i were chowing down

i'm so impressed with how much weight they lost for the wedding

i don't think i want to do that though...

When everything is too hard and nothing is getting you anywhere

there is nothing worse than the feeling that no matter how hard you are trying you can't keep your head above the water, and everything you are doing is too slow/too late/not great/still wrong/not as good as someone else

after what felt like a disastrous and disappointing end to a week of work, and the thought of the weekend didn't even cheer me up (because monday comes after sunday) i found myself listening to Tupac in the car with B whilst worrying about everything i have to race through to do on monday:

With all this extra stressing the question I wonder
is after death I feel my last breath when
will I finally get to rest from this supression
they punish the people that's asking questions
and those that possess
steal from the ones without possesions
the message I stress to make it stop
study your lessons
don't settle for less
even the genius asks questions
be grateful for blessings
don't ever change keep your essence
the power is in the people
and the politics we address
always do your best
don't let this pressure make you panic
and when you get stranded
and things don't go the way you planned it
dreaming of riches
in a position of making a difference
polititicians are hypocrites they don't wanna listen
if i'm insane then the fame
ain't about to change
it was nothing like the game
it's just Me Against the World

Me against the World
nothing to lose
It's just Me Against the World baby

Me Against the World
got me stuck in the game
It's just Me Against the World

I know it seem hard sometimes
but remember one thing
through every dark night
there's a bright day after that
so no matter how hard it get
stick your chest out
keep your head up and handle it

looking back i know it was probably a great week of work i had done in the circumstances i was in, and according to my manager i was just once again being unreasonably demanding of myself. i think about what my manager tells me "don't be so hard on yourself", "you push too much", "you give yourself such high expectations" etc.

i am hard on myself. i do push myself at work. i do place high expectations. i have given myself enough pressure that would lead to strokes in others. if i wasn't me i would fire me. not because i'm incompetent, just because i annoyed myself for not getting it done perfectly/quickly/immediately/already.

i'm lucky, i probably will never have such a reasonable manager ever again. but am i really lucky? if i wasn't the way i am wouldn't i have slacked off and let it all go pear-shaped several months ago? no doubt i do stress myself out beyond what is necessary, but if the other side to the coin is not caring until anything hits the fan then i don't want to be that person.

certainly, no one else is able to motivate me. i don't get psyched much by anyone's pep talks. i am not prone to bribery - i am not working in insurance for the money. One, it's not that good. Two, it's not that good. Three, see the above.

i want what i want. i care about what i do because my name is attached to the end result. i don't care if i get a promotion or a payrise or credit. i just enjoy knowing i did a good job.

i remember having hysterics more than once growing up because i was worried about not getting good results in the exams. it was beyond terror. it has improved over time. i've become reasonable - my standards are human standards now. i make jokes. i cry less. i make allowances. i no longer expect 90% and above after the first fright of starting university. i hand in assignments on time - most of the time. i understand "do your best and see how that goes".

but i will not settle for "okay" if i know that if i tried harder i can do better.

This is a typical example of a conversation at work:

Not Dom: "Dom, it's your lunch hour. Why don't you go relax instead of studying?"
Dom: "I need to keep up with my readings, exams are coming up and I'd like to get a credit average, at least."
Not Dom: "Oh, do you need that average to get Honors?"
Dom: "I'm not intending to do Honors. But I want a credit-average."
Not Dom: "Oh, a pass is still a pass you know. Don't be so hard on yourself."
Dom: "Yes, but I like credits."
Not Dom: "Hmmm." (Confused look)

Is there something wrong with wanting to do something and doing it well? Do people not equate trying harder with learning more? There is no problem with the phrase 'Try again', but there is a problem when people haven't tried at all.

I know the mistake I made last week was forgetting that you can try things again and learning from past experiences instead of panicking. But I won't let myself settle for less. Give me as many pep talks as you want but for once I will be singing Tupac's lines...

I want to buy a house (43 things)

with B…

it’s taking a while.. we managed to get the loan approval but it’s so hard walking in somewhere and thinking:

“what’s that smell?”
“what’s that wierd stain on the floor?”
“why are there no windows here?”
“does this place not come with plumbing?”

but it’s important to remember that if you are looking WITH someone that you have fun. when it becomes more stressful than it is exciting you start to forget why you wanted to do it, even worse, you forget why you want to do it WITH someone…

See more progress on: Buy a House

Top Pick for HK shopping trip

ASHLEY APARTMENTS HONG KONG

Tian is considering HK in the year end. I instantly started looking up flights. We could stay at Ashley Apartments and go shopping at our own leisure...

Too much uni work leads to avoidance tactics involving Facebook and Pringle-testing

Best flavour for Pringles ------ Smokey Bacon!!! Beats Texan BBQ handsdown. I always maintain that if one is going to eat processed junk then let it be the one with the most artificial flavouring - why bother with Original???

Facebook application overload --- in one day, I became a fan of Miu Miu, Fendi, Balenciaga and Will & Grace. I added Sticky photos to my home page. I congratulated every person with a new job and wished happy birthday to everyone else. I updated my Stylepix (whatever that is). I, who cannot actually stand Facebook and who prefers to blog instead.

Don't get me wrong though, I have still not done anything about the 251 emails in my Hotmail account, the 78 emails in my Yahoo account, the 12 voice messages on my mobile and the 241 (and rising) notification requests in my Facebook account.

All I am trying to say is that there is nothing like assignment time for suddenly catching up with old friends, rekindling random interests in or doing laundry.

MacQuarie University has a strict 'don't hand it in, don't bother coming back' policy for reports. I am lucky I went to UNSW for my first degree (weekends are freebies if you can afford the one day penalty for missing a Friday deadline, you get the next two days free!) and now UTS. I have found the deadlines vary between subjects. Is this my lecturer's preference? Dunno.

My report was due yesterday - I console myself with the thought that if I had become a writer, that I would be perfect at my job. Always missing deadlines and avoiding editors. I am employed in insurance at the moment and so far have not found it possible to miss deadlines. Dammit.

Interestingly though, for this particular subject, one is penalised at the rate of 1/2 mark per day late and 1 mark for every fifty words above 2000 words. So far I am one day late and on 879 words (500 of which are rubbish, which leaves 379 of questionable coherence).

FYI for those who care, this is Constitutional Law. Most people either loathe it or cannot stand it. The remainder are insane and can't get enough. I fit into the niche of those who can tolerate it but just can't stay awake for it. I refuse to sink to using NoDose.

Also, the question being asked in my assignment is the distinction between punitive and protection detention in light of decisions made in the High Court of Australia.

The answer is there is no clear distinction. Nobody could make up their mind.

That's 14 words right there. No chance of being penalised for exceeding the word limit then. Phew.

if only you saw it...

my armani xchange dress... was backless and very very short...
and machine wash possible! i have no idea when i can wear it again...

i heart u

my tisy bf at his birthday last saturday... he chose my dress (Wayne Cooper) and i chose his outfit

saturday morning on my own

did i mention i have temporarily moved in with b's?

yes, it's that time of year again... MOVING time... my parents lulled us all into a sense of stability for the past 5-6years at the 3br apartment (6 ppl - you do the math) and then up they leaped off the couch and threw us into a house for the past 12-14 months...and well.... it's go time again this month for us nomads

in the move, i have had to empty my room (omg i did NOT remember buying THAT many clothes!!!) into a STORAGE warehouse whilst my room and my brothers' and my gran's are being renovated...

i am camping at B's with his sister and parents. i'm like the sleepover that never ended... luckily they seem to like me but i miss not being a guest

i miss pookie (he is at the new place - unless mom has given him away without my knowledge, like my two dogs from childhood and then pretended not to realise they were missing until 3 years later admitting they were at my friend Sooping's home)

i miss having all my clothes (even the ones i didn't know i had still) in the one place JUST IN CASE i wanted them - in my defence, B has heaps of clothes and he is NOWHERE near alternating his wardrobe as i am - i have been with him for over a year and he wears like, 3 t-shirts....

i miss my insane deranged unreasonable ridiculous crazy bizarre family - they are crazy and they drive me mad but without them i'm too normal.

i miss my mom and the stress of not knowing what she will do to me next. i won't miss her when she realises i've nicked her vintage Ralph Lauren knit dress that i plan to wear today to a BBQ at Olympic Park. i definitely will not miss her when she realises that i have DESTROYED the vintage dior bag or "DOR" as it is now called... i miss her vintage bruno magli sheepskin boots. i miss her missing me. people don't realise that she is more the annoying older sister not really like my mom. B said why don't you call, but she will just nag me for things that are on my to do list. she doesn't even know i have assignments due and she doesn't show me that she cares what i do, so i'll only believe it when i see it.

i miss my grandma and yelling because she is so deaf, and repeating myself x6 per hour because she has short term memory/attention span.

i miss my poor dad.

i miss internet. B spent 2 hours on the phone with the TPG lady at the support centre (in the Phillippines!!!) who finally said it's my laptop that is not ok. so now i have had to subscribe to techno forum... on a saturday morning i am desperately messaging all these people and talking about domain name servers and ISPs and omg i do not understand what is going on....

i miss everything. i miss the old days.

I'll take two serves of crazy

What's not to like about Karen & Terry...
they are actually B's friends (Karen is one of B's besties and Terry is well, everyone's bestie as well as Karen's bf) but now everyone's chums

And so this is what happens when they come around to a birthday (B's last Friday).

ALWAYS invite them to a party. Props sold separately (or found on the pavement).

Today is Terry's birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY from Seaforth... where we are studying/trying to study/hopeless at concentration.

HAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUN

I miss tian

I miss tian so much
I wonder if she got the stella mccartney
she messages me at random times, usually when i'm at work and freaking out
I hope she has a good day today, I can think of at least 12 reasons why I will not be okay today at work

I can't believe I forgot to do x
I can't believe I forgot to do y
I cANNOT believe I didn't do xyz (repeat x 12)
omg omg omg
deep breath deep breath
zennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

at least I can rely on my uni degree
I can't believe I forgot to do x
I can't believe I forgot to do y
I cANNOT believe I didn't do xyz (repeat x 12)
omg omg omg
deep breath deep breath
zennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

I miss you!! If you were here everything would be ok!
ps my new longchamp is dirty - it is white after all...

Wearing Zara military white top plus black jersey bubble skirt from Morrissey (aussie label), shoes can't be bothered. I will have to sell them if I lose my job most likely... vintage black Dior quilt bag with the gold letters ('i' is missing so it says 'dor'... I will switch the ''r' for 'm' shortly)

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOX

I cry because I care

It's hard making up. I think the longer you are with someone the longer it takes to sort through everything. The day I finally stop fussing would be the day there is nothing left to sort through except the remains of the day. When I never cry over something and am totally fine is the day I am fine alone too. It's hard to explain things like this to a guy. Girls understand. We fight with you because we are fighting for us. It is so important to me, especially the little things. The little things are the most important things.

ARE YOU STUPID

or do you enjoy acting dumb?

Someone please enlighten me why people feel it is necessary to overexpress their feelings towards their other close but nevertheless opposite sex friends in the ways they do??? Plus in public some more.
And then please advise me what would happen if I did the same thing?

I will not blow up
I will not blow up
I will not blow up
I might not bring it up

Do you just not think what other people might think? Then tell me why when I say or do things does it suddenly matter so much?

Celina's birthday at the argyle...

she is so thin she doesn't even need to suck it in for the cheekbones to pop out...
i, on th other hand, wound up with an astma attack after that attempt to match her.
leanne is my sydney-sider tian.
i look terrible in this one, but look how shiny!!!

...and exhale, the wait is over

going to melbourne tonight for the weekend!!!

must not: fall asleep and miss the whole thing
must: go to lygon street and eat pizza
must: go check out scanlan & theodore.. just to say hi
must: drink champagne
must not: leave shoes on the plane
will not: worry about anything

vicious cycle

everytime i'm left on my own at 11pm i get

hungry
tired
sleepy
bored
lazy
thirsty
hungry
hungry
hungry