Don't let it get to you? Go to a happy place?!

How can I not let it get to me??

I am here, and it is all over my intray, until even my outtray is just one more intray. It already got to me. Past tense.

My happy place is like, Fendi, on sale, with all the ridiculously cheap prices in rupiahs with Mariah Carey blaring on the sound system and FRIENDS on repeat in the background. Did I mention that in my happy place I am also 3 inches taller and wear a size 6?? And no one is in the background throwing all the random tasks that were overdue before I even started in my direction.

My manager hates Mariah Carey btw, so that already cancels out part of my happy place.

Meanwhile, more and more nonsense piles up and I don't learn anything aside from 50 different ways to hyperventilate into a folder that says "Legal - Urgent - Respond Immediately".

*headache*

Tupac did not give me any pointers on what to do next...

He should have suggested:

• Keep your head up
• Unless you are in Inverted V pose - and then look at your knees
• Keep trying
• Resist the urge to throw everything due back in August 2007 back at the sender and say, "if it wasn't urgent then it's not getting done now"
• Keep breathing
• Shrieking wastes oxygen
• Smile and wave
• Make faces in the reflection of the monitor when yet one more person rings you, emails, writes you, faxes you to say "oh how come this hasn't been done yet?"
• Don't freak out, see shriekin
• Don't resort to substance abuse

I am tired of being tired. It's only Monday. GAH.

Happy place.
Happy place.
Happy place.
Urgh.

I will wear my Fendi scarf, bring my Fendi bag and upload all my Mariah Carey songs onto my ipod and start again tomorrow. Plus, then I can wash my Les Pliages...

Congratulations to Ervin and Grace

i cried so much, on and off and on and off...

when i wan't crying, brian and i were chowing down

i'm so impressed with how much weight they lost for the wedding

i don't think i want to do that though...

When everything is too hard and nothing is getting you anywhere

there is nothing worse than the feeling that no matter how hard you are trying you can't keep your head above the water, and everything you are doing is too slow/too late/not great/still wrong/not as good as someone else

after what felt like a disastrous and disappointing end to a week of work, and the thought of the weekend didn't even cheer me up (because monday comes after sunday) i found myself listening to Tupac in the car with B whilst worrying about everything i have to race through to do on monday:

With all this extra stressing the question I wonder
is after death I feel my last breath when
will I finally get to rest from this supression
they punish the people that's asking questions
and those that possess
steal from the ones without possesions
the message I stress to make it stop
study your lessons
don't settle for less
even the genius asks questions
be grateful for blessings
don't ever change keep your essence
the power is in the people
and the politics we address
always do your best
don't let this pressure make you panic
and when you get stranded
and things don't go the way you planned it
dreaming of riches
in a position of making a difference
polititicians are hypocrites they don't wanna listen
if i'm insane then the fame
ain't about to change
it was nothing like the game
it's just Me Against the World

Me against the World
nothing to lose
It's just Me Against the World baby

Me Against the World
got me stuck in the game
It's just Me Against the World

I know it seem hard sometimes
but remember one thing
through every dark night
there's a bright day after that
so no matter how hard it get
stick your chest out
keep your head up and handle it

looking back i know it was probably a great week of work i had done in the circumstances i was in, and according to my manager i was just once again being unreasonably demanding of myself. i think about what my manager tells me "don't be so hard on yourself", "you push too much", "you give yourself such high expectations" etc.

i am hard on myself. i do push myself at work. i do place high expectations. i have given myself enough pressure that would lead to strokes in others. if i wasn't me i would fire me. not because i'm incompetent, just because i annoyed myself for not getting it done perfectly/quickly/immediately/already.

i'm lucky, i probably will never have such a reasonable manager ever again. but am i really lucky? if i wasn't the way i am wouldn't i have slacked off and let it all go pear-shaped several months ago? no doubt i do stress myself out beyond what is necessary, but if the other side to the coin is not caring until anything hits the fan then i don't want to be that person.

certainly, no one else is able to motivate me. i don't get psyched much by anyone's pep talks. i am not prone to bribery - i am not working in insurance for the money. One, it's not that good. Two, it's not that good. Three, see the above.

i want what i want. i care about what i do because my name is attached to the end result. i don't care if i get a promotion or a payrise or credit. i just enjoy knowing i did a good job.

i remember having hysterics more than once growing up because i was worried about not getting good results in the exams. it was beyond terror. it has improved over time. i've become reasonable - my standards are human standards now. i make jokes. i cry less. i make allowances. i no longer expect 90% and above after the first fright of starting university. i hand in assignments on time - most of the time. i understand "do your best and see how that goes".

but i will not settle for "okay" if i know that if i tried harder i can do better.

This is a typical example of a conversation at work:

Not Dom: "Dom, it's your lunch hour. Why don't you go relax instead of studying?"
Dom: "I need to keep up with my readings, exams are coming up and I'd like to get a credit average, at least."
Not Dom: "Oh, do you need that average to get Honors?"
Dom: "I'm not intending to do Honors. But I want a credit-average."
Not Dom: "Oh, a pass is still a pass you know. Don't be so hard on yourself."
Dom: "Yes, but I like credits."
Not Dom: "Hmmm." (Confused look)

Is there something wrong with wanting to do something and doing it well? Do people not equate trying harder with learning more? There is no problem with the phrase 'Try again', but there is a problem when people haven't tried at all.

I know the mistake I made last week was forgetting that you can try things again and learning from past experiences instead of panicking. But I won't let myself settle for less. Give me as many pep talks as you want but for once I will be singing Tupac's lines...

I want to buy a house (43 things)

with B…

it’s taking a while.. we managed to get the loan approval but it’s so hard walking in somewhere and thinking:

“what’s that smell?”
“what’s that wierd stain on the floor?”
“why are there no windows here?”
“does this place not come with plumbing?”

but it’s important to remember that if you are looking WITH someone that you have fun. when it becomes more stressful than it is exciting you start to forget why you wanted to do it, even worse, you forget why you want to do it WITH someone…

See more progress on: Buy a House

Top Pick for HK shopping trip

ASHLEY APARTMENTS HONG KONG

Tian is considering HK in the year end. I instantly started looking up flights. We could stay at Ashley Apartments and go shopping at our own leisure...

Too much uni work leads to avoidance tactics involving Facebook and Pringle-testing

Best flavour for Pringles ------ Smokey Bacon!!! Beats Texan BBQ handsdown. I always maintain that if one is going to eat processed junk then let it be the one with the most artificial flavouring - why bother with Original???

Facebook application overload --- in one day, I became a fan of Miu Miu, Fendi, Balenciaga and Will & Grace. I added Sticky photos to my home page. I congratulated every person with a new job and wished happy birthday to everyone else. I updated my Stylepix (whatever that is). I, who cannot actually stand Facebook and who prefers to blog instead.

Don't get me wrong though, I have still not done anything about the 251 emails in my Hotmail account, the 78 emails in my Yahoo account, the 12 voice messages on my mobile and the 241 (and rising) notification requests in my Facebook account.

All I am trying to say is that there is nothing like assignment time for suddenly catching up with old friends, rekindling random interests in or doing laundry.

MacQuarie University has a strict 'don't hand it in, don't bother coming back' policy for reports. I am lucky I went to UNSW for my first degree (weekends are freebies if you can afford the one day penalty for missing a Friday deadline, you get the next two days free!) and now UTS. I have found the deadlines vary between subjects. Is this my lecturer's preference? Dunno.

My report was due yesterday - I console myself with the thought that if I had become a writer, that I would be perfect at my job. Always missing deadlines and avoiding editors. I am employed in insurance at the moment and so far have not found it possible to miss deadlines. Dammit.

Interestingly though, for this particular subject, one is penalised at the rate of 1/2 mark per day late and 1 mark for every fifty words above 2000 words. So far I am one day late and on 879 words (500 of which are rubbish, which leaves 379 of questionable coherence).

FYI for those who care, this is Constitutional Law. Most people either loathe it or cannot stand it. The remainder are insane and can't get enough. I fit into the niche of those who can tolerate it but just can't stay awake for it. I refuse to sink to using NoDose.

Also, the question being asked in my assignment is the distinction between punitive and protection detention in light of decisions made in the High Court of Australia.

The answer is there is no clear distinction. Nobody could make up their mind.

That's 14 words right there. No chance of being penalised for exceeding the word limit then. Phew.

if only you saw it...

my armani xchange dress... was backless and very very short...
and machine wash possible! i have no idea when i can wear it again...

i heart u

my tisy bf at his birthday last saturday... he chose my dress (Wayne Cooper) and i chose his outfit

saturday morning on my own

did i mention i have temporarily moved in with b's?

yes, it's that time of year again... MOVING time... my parents lulled us all into a sense of stability for the past 5-6years at the 3br apartment (6 ppl - you do the math) and then up they leaped off the couch and threw us into a house for the past 12-14 months...and well.... it's go time again this month for us nomads

in the move, i have had to empty my room (omg i did NOT remember buying THAT many clothes!!!) into a STORAGE warehouse whilst my room and my brothers' and my gran's are being renovated...

i am camping at B's with his sister and parents. i'm like the sleepover that never ended... luckily they seem to like me but i miss not being a guest

i miss pookie (he is at the new place - unless mom has given him away without my knowledge, like my two dogs from childhood and then pretended not to realise they were missing until 3 years later admitting they were at my friend Sooping's home)

i miss having all my clothes (even the ones i didn't know i had still) in the one place JUST IN CASE i wanted them - in my defence, B has heaps of clothes and he is NOWHERE near alternating his wardrobe as i am - i have been with him for over a year and he wears like, 3 t-shirts....

i miss my insane deranged unreasonable ridiculous crazy bizarre family - they are crazy and they drive me mad but without them i'm too normal.

i miss my mom and the stress of not knowing what she will do to me next. i won't miss her when she realises i've nicked her vintage Ralph Lauren knit dress that i plan to wear today to a BBQ at Olympic Park. i definitely will not miss her when she realises that i have DESTROYED the vintage dior bag or "DOR" as it is now called... i miss her vintage bruno magli sheepskin boots. i miss her missing me. people don't realise that she is more the annoying older sister not really like my mom. B said why don't you call, but she will just nag me for things that are on my to do list. she doesn't even know i have assignments due and she doesn't show me that she cares what i do, so i'll only believe it when i see it.

i miss my grandma and yelling because she is so deaf, and repeating myself x6 per hour because she has short term memory/attention span.

i miss my poor dad.

i miss internet. B spent 2 hours on the phone with the TPG lady at the support centre (in the Phillippines!!!) who finally said it's my laptop that is not ok. so now i have had to subscribe to techno forum... on a saturday morning i am desperately messaging all these people and talking about domain name servers and ISPs and omg i do not understand what is going on....

i miss everything. i miss the old days.

I'll take two serves of crazy

What's not to like about Karen & Terry...
they are actually B's friends (Karen is one of B's besties and Terry is well, everyone's bestie as well as Karen's bf) but now everyone's chums

And so this is what happens when they come around to a birthday (B's last Friday).

ALWAYS invite them to a party. Props sold separately (or found on the pavement).

Today is Terry's birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY from Seaforth... where we are studying/trying to study/hopeless at concentration.

HAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUN

I miss tian

I miss tian so much
I wonder if she got the stella mccartney
she messages me at random times, usually when i'm at work and freaking out
I hope she has a good day today, I can think of at least 12 reasons why I will not be okay today at work

I can't believe I forgot to do x
I can't believe I forgot to do y
I cANNOT believe I didn't do xyz (repeat x 12)
omg omg omg
deep breath deep breath
zennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

at least I can rely on my uni degree
I can't believe I forgot to do x
I can't believe I forgot to do y
I cANNOT believe I didn't do xyz (repeat x 12)
omg omg omg
deep breath deep breath
zennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

I miss you!! If you were here everything would be ok!
ps my new longchamp is dirty - it is white after all...

Wearing Zara military white top plus black jersey bubble skirt from Morrissey (aussie label), shoes can't be bothered. I will have to sell them if I lose my job most likely... vintage black Dior quilt bag with the gold letters ('i' is missing so it says 'dor'... I will switch the ''r' for 'm' shortly)

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOX

I cry because I care

It's hard making up. I think the longer you are with someone the longer it takes to sort through everything. The day I finally stop fussing would be the day there is nothing left to sort through except the remains of the day. When I never cry over something and am totally fine is the day I am fine alone too. It's hard to explain things like this to a guy. Girls understand. We fight with you because we are fighting for us. It is so important to me, especially the little things. The little things are the most important things.

ARE YOU STUPID

or do you enjoy acting dumb?

Someone please enlighten me why people feel it is necessary to overexpress their feelings towards their other close but nevertheless opposite sex friends in the ways they do??? Plus in public some more.
And then please advise me what would happen if I did the same thing?

I will not blow up
I will not blow up
I will not blow up
I might not bring it up

Do you just not think what other people might think? Then tell me why when I say or do things does it suddenly matter so much?

Celina's birthday at the argyle...

she is so thin she doesn't even need to suck it in for the cheekbones to pop out...
i, on th other hand, wound up with an astma attack after that attempt to match her.
leanne is my sydney-sider tian.
i look terrible in this one, but look how shiny!!!

...and exhale, the wait is over

going to melbourne tonight for the weekend!!!

must not: fall asleep and miss the whole thing
must: go to lygon street and eat pizza
must: go check out scanlan & theodore.. just to say hi
must: drink champagne
must not: leave shoes on the plane
will not: worry about anything

vicious cycle

everytime i'm left on my own at 11pm i get

hungry
tired
sleepy
bored
lazy
thirsty
hungry
hungry
hungry

yes i know i know, it's so last season

but i don't care, i still love you anyway you wierd looking thing...
now on sale at Bergdorfs...the injustice
why don't these things happen in David Jones?!

The beginning of a beautiful friendship

Whilst I have always admired Louis Vuitton... and I always have had an intense fondness for scarves...and a great affection for silk...
I NEVER came up with the GROUNDBREAKING idea of ADDING IT ALL TOGETHER...
Just like my love of laksa, I find myself wanting to go back for more...
I'm tempted to say I am loving LV scarves (have you seen the linen collection for summer?? so cute they hurt me!) more than any of my scanlan & theodore belts...
certainly I have been loving the pink champagne LV serves during Valentine's week, but I know better than to SUI (shop under the influence)

florence nightingale syndrome

Yesterday was Valentines Day.

I wouldn't say that I was a big romantic but it certainly wasn't spent the way I'd envisioned.

Clever B had already bought me flowers the day before.

At 10pm I found myself at a public school gym watching B play basketball after eating far too much at our fave Indo restaurant Ayam Goreng 99.
5 minutes into the game B and I were driving off to the emergency room to get B's upper lip stitched up.
Elbows can be dangerous.
I spent the rest of that night and most of this morning dashing between the counter to get more cotton padding to absorb the blood and charging to the carpark to check the car.
Weak from worry I barely managed to stand up to hold B's hand whilst he had his stitches done.
Unused to seeing B with his lip being sewn together I barely managed to appear encouraging every time he unscrewed his eyes open to peer at me.
The resident took so long getting the first stitch in, I had to summon all my wits to stop myself from shrieking at him, snatching the needle out of his hands and doing it myself.
6 hours later we rolled into bed.
This morning was spent calling his boss, his colleague, my boss, my colleague recounting the whole incident.
By the time I'd called my boss I had lost all sense of dignity and burst into tears and was sobbing the story down the phone to her.
I'm certain that if she were here she would have made me cocoa and tucked me into bed.
I'm certain that that would be entirely my fault as well.
B got his lip stitched together but I still need to have my nerves stitched together.
Ended up watching Kerri-Anne show to restore some sense of normality and then spent the rest of this afternoon cooking giant pot of congee to make myself feel useful.
Now researching Prada collection to be useful.

cindy & ty's wedding

of course there are other photos besides, but none of my dress and eyliner AND my nail polish...

dress: country road (bought same day at david jones, good old dj's!!!)
nail polish: red hot ayers rock
lipstick: chanel, random colour courtesy of karen's trip to hong kong

photos from last year

dita came to sydney (us at 333)..and promptly decided to move to china instead of stay a day longer
i got a job at the same place as caro... so we got to go to the same work christmas party... this is my idea of dress up - diane von furstenberg plus flower in hair
not the best photo of us, but it's up on my wall at work... i find it refreshingly frank.. plus you can see the rest of my DVF dress
leanne's birthday dinner at Waterfront...i paid something like $160 for two... ouch!!! but very yummy...
the old old oroton crew... we've all grown up so much: marcus graduated to bally; laura started colouring her hair; i require push up bras (i am growing backwards apparently); mirsad had his nose done *tear*

week in review

1 had a nap on NYE between the 9 and 12am fireworks

2 tanned on tha balcony NYD

3 took the 3rd off work sick

4 went to the david jones sale on the afternoon of the 3rd

5 Cindy and Ty's wedding reception on same

6 back to work in a good mood on the 4th

7 gym on a friday night

8 did my good deed of the week (bought tian one last thing for her package)

9 further negotiations with B

10 cooked dinner (thai flavoured chicken cakes with minted yoghurt; bread capsicum and tomato salad; wholegrain fettucine with eggplant relish)

11 further negotiations with B

12 nails done (on toes "you're such a kabuki queen" hot pink/ on hands "your royal shyness")

13 more gym

14 maisys with B (iced tea and cheesecake)

15 trying to update ipod

HAPPY NEW YEAR

My friend tony asked me what my resolutions would be for this year. it never occurred to me until that instant.

i told him at the time,
1. drink less
2. spend less
3. temper less

he laughed in my face.

one whole day into the year, and i suppose my resolutions are all the same obvious picks other people make.

maybe,
1. drink less
(coffee, that is. my alcohol intake is ok at the mo - double shots coffees several times a day must be unhealthy regardless of what my dull brain thinks)
2. spend less
(on shoes and bags, blah blah blah) i will be revising this, perhaps something like one big solid purchase for the whole year... at least i have a vague idea to start with, as if resolutions should be so concrete anyway, that is how they are broken within the week.
3. temper less
i think this is in progress. B did say one day that i have been behaving far better around full moon time... i am inclined to agree with him. altho i do get irritable when i am bored and have run out of things to do... i will try my best but at some point, i do get tired of trying to entertain myself and i just need someone else to prance around and help me along with the remaining 23hours of the day. usually, i get moody when i'm bored because before i was bored, i was hungry... it really boils down to neglect.
4. this year my wardrobe will be categorised and up to date...comprehensively
despite trips to ikea last year umpteen times with 3 different types of storage solution, my wardrobe remains in semi-chaos, within each storage system. at the moment, the only person who understands the system is myself.. the average person who walks into my room has no idea where to aim for if searching for a plain singlet. my mother knows this and heads straight to the washing line where she picks her victims (MY NEW WORK CLOTHES) straight off the line and squirrels them in her closet for all eternity. so even disarray does not work in throwing mummy dearest off the track i may as well just fix the plumbing, so to speak.
5. actually pay off the credit card.
6. study harder for that degree.
i honestly cannot handle the stress attacks knowing fully well i did not study hard enough at the beginning of the term.
7. work harder at that job.

i really don't want to put more than 7 up (7up!! haha) i think it is enough to look respectable. needless to say, if anyone asks i will completely forget what any of them are. in which case, i will turn around and decry the practise for being absolutely ridiculous and patronising anyway on the grounds that it implies people require the date to be 31 dec of any year to put into words any sort of aim that they should have acquired ages ago to begin with but have given up midway through the year and left it until the end of it and the beginning of the next to start all over again. at the end of this tirade which will sound absolutely inspired and unrehearsed, people will nod vehemently in agreement and declare that it is a shame more people don't think like this etcetera etcetera etc...

i turned this down....

i really really really really really wanted this...

AAAAARGH why won't you talk to me???

also known as: why do bad things happen to great people

I have spent from 11pm to now, 11.30pm loading, unloading, logging in, logging out, refreshing, a single login page to lodge a billing enquiry to my dear phone company...
I spent all day yesterday with my mobile clamped to the side of my head on hold, being transferred, in the phone queue for the same billing enquiry...
My own fault I didn't go to the store today to ask them to do what I know from previous times they will say, "oh, you must contact customer service"

Apparently, the explanation for why I cannot contact the excellent customer service reps is because the company's products and services are so wonderful that they are experiencing longer customer call times then anticipated.

I.E. everyone quit, went on holidays, and the rest are already stuck with miserable people like self on the phone asking as many questions as possible before they get put on hold or transferred or hung up on...

I spent so long on this phone bill that I even managed in the meantime to sort out my gym membership AND send feedback to Fitness First enthusing about how wonderful the customer service guy was..
I even managed to lodge a cashback bonus with HP for my new laptop
I went to gym with B
I sorted all my mail
I checked facebook.com (still boring)

Tonight I concede defeat, I will return for battle tomorrow! Armed with icepacks for my elbow and a prop to hold mobile to left ear (I am left handed and left headed)

BTW if you are insinuating that the bill was overdue.. I understand why you would suggest that, and I will forgive you right away for not taking my side and tell you, it is due on 30th November...2007 not 2006

So there

So will you be on my side now???

Re: re : yourself

poor bambi!!! ugh how useless of prada,

have to say...after the movie if feels like they are sliding..

or perhaps i'm just distracted by all the colors on LV bags...

after DVF this morning i am further from 3digit clothes than ever...for work anyway...

and sabotaging chances at loubotins this year hand over fist...

top it off...seems like my IBM laptop is finally had it, the battery won't recharge..if i am right, i have 20 minutes left before i need to buy a new laptop HEH

i don't like intrays...i don't have alot in them, but they are still very messy....

and apparently not in alphabetical or chronological order. so it is just this pile of paper that someone is topping up for me...

i cannot cope with paper that is not filed or categorised...even a postit that says "to file" would please me...

when i was on the phone with someone's secretary.. i called her patricia...

her name is wendy...

i don't know how it happened...

i told her i was getting senile in my old age and i was just thankful my voice was still so youthful...

and then i hung up and had hysterics

my workmate's growing nervous breakdown is contagious...if only her constant weightloss was too...

i get pilates on thursday lunchtimes.. haven't been gym or yoga in weeks..i start again on sunday...

obviously i would have liked new gym gear to celebrate...

ohhhhh did i say paul smith??? i saw those clothes too.... ugh... i will need to choose several categories i thi nk for top 3s...

dear diary

last day before the exam...

the good : got some study done
the bad: did not get all study done

the good: found time to buy a new toothbrush (battery powered way-hey! yes i'm lazy to move my hand)
the bad: also found time to buy new dvf

the good: it was a DVF!! half price!!
the bad: i know only one person who knows what a DVF means

the good: it was DVF!
the bad: had to alter it...

the good: a TAILORED DVF!!!
the bad: worried the label will get snipped off

the good: auntie said she would be careful since she understands my self-admitted kiasu/snob problem
the bad: can't concentrate any longer until DVF comes back

Pick of the day

I don't know anything about horse racing..

this is what I would have chosen for the trifector:

International City Wear:

1. 3.1 Philip Lim
2. Carolina Herrera
3. Celine

life's full of tough choices

or

?

louis vuitton spring 2008

Birthday girl

it is my bestie's birthday soon...
whilst i won't be there, for some reason i am
looking forward to it.

people get so wierd when they get old.

i mean, starting to think of other people?
feelings of generosity...

it is all very odd and unlike me.

obviously in addition to a present,
i will be
returning her khaki vest that she left behind
hehehe

i have given up on del's chips though
i don't think they exist in this country..
so much for them being australian allegedly

oh! almost forgot!!!

one can never go wrong with a big ribbon around their finger

letter for you

hope you are having a good weekend,

and work is treating you well.

how's bambi?

can you believe people are STILL getting brand new

ruched prada leather bags here?

and you have had yours for so long you sent it to HK?

and i still want one...

hehe

i'm exhausted from working out what to wear to work,

and getting to work on time (8.20am!!) with coffee, with

the right outfit (can't wear the same thing twice in a week)

or on the same day aslast weel...

you didn't tell me about that?

i miss singapore..

one day i'm just going to leave my desk and just fly over

because i can't stand it any longer..

i miss that chicken rice place

that you and del took me to.

i eat so much laksa because i miss singapore and there's nothing else to

eat. although my friend at work likes maccas...

so we eat that alot...

i lend her my sex&thecity dvds..

are you going shopping this weekend?

i put a deposit on a dress in Scanlan, but i haven't picked it up yet..

maybe next week after my exams...

xoxox

love you miss you

love love!

why is it that it takes longer to email or text than for me to do this?????

all i want this weekend ...

the emperor's new clothes

one feathered clutch by ferragammo

one pair of glitter encrusted loubotins

no clothes necessary

no one will notice

tuesday work nights in sydney

yesterday was Melbourne cupday..

LITERALLY the day everything comes to a shuddering standstill

suddenly all the phones in the entire office stopped ringing at quarter to 3pm

everyone had a glass of champers or a bottle (plus two stored under the desk for later) of beer in their hands

and a ticket with bizarre horse names in the other...

it didn't end after the races either, everyone hustled off to the bar for drinks...

most bizarre of all: everyone said hullo to each other

kookai year round

look what i found on the kookai website?please note © kookai 2007

why i would like a time machine...

have you ever said something that you wish you could take back???

every idiotic text message, voicemail, drunken dial, drunken text, drunken email, sober email (even worse)...

that sensation of utter stupidity

and then the dawning realisation that

"i shouldn't have done that"

ironically enough, the very first episode of sex & the city i then watched to console stupid self, evolved around the theme of

"are there times when women should just shut the f*** up?"

where were you 25 minutes ago?

i can't wait for the sheepish behaviour tomorrow

combined with pretending nothing happened...

soooo convincing

and how annoying, everything started with good intentions

surprise! i'm materialistic, who knew?!

there's nothing like retail therapy to cheer the downhearted...

even better, i like having people complement my choices..

so i made bad decisions in guys before

big deal

my shoes always looked great

so i'm only a trainee on probation to start,

big deal

i'm the new shoe queen in town

the shoes that finally had me officially labelled once and for all... brazillian made. they invented carnivale, and redefined waxing...they definitely know their shoes.

but with great power comes great responsibility.. so they say..

or am i just coming up with new excuses?

can you blame me???

the 'f' is soft in phlegm

it is so bad that i can hardly squint through my eyeballs. it's invisible but my face is swollen with glands nobody knew existed. i feel like a steve martin character in one of his novels. my favourite line :

"this is my husband. he's benign."

always start your day by thinking of a positive

also known as

self-help theory no.1

'recall a happy end to the last week in anticipation of the next week beginning'

spent saturday driving up and down sydney. ate fish and chips. and seafood basket. and ice cream. cooked dinner. watched videos. brilliant.

spent sunday doing laundry, shopping at old work. ate sushi train with B and his dad. went shirt hunting at David Jones sale. where B agreed to buy a pale pink Hardy Amies shirt with absolutely NO SIGN of RESISTANCE despite the fact it was any shade of pink. (this alone made my day)

washed the cars. went to the gym. i cooked carbonara and drank most of the white wine. also brilliant.

public holiday (question: if it is a Labour Day holiday, why is no one doing any labour?) ate late breakfast. people commented on B's shirt ("i scored last night" - i was judged). went to the gym. went to Balmoral beach. B tanned. I became less pale. dinner at the pub (beer and $7 steak). beer at B's uncles.

beer and steak = brilliant

long winded wednesdays

i think tian is feeling better. (am constantly checking her blog)
by better i mean less worser.
by worser i mean more than worse.
by worse i mean more than bad.
which is less than good.

i miss singapore.
and the separate classes for each area of english.
grammar. spelling. comprehension. composition.
those idiot exercises in my grammar books one had to fill out.
dutifully and tediously.
and ripping out the answer section and giving them to the teacher.
who asked me how to spell certain words.
which made me worry.
the person controlling our intake of the english language was asking her student how to spell it.
surely something had gone wrong.

lucky my dyslexia didn't kick in until i came to sydney.

Tian texted me about an earthquake. i had no idea. i need new clothes for work. i wish she was here. along with a Zara on every corner.

instead i have a sore throat to distract me (irritating), chronic nausea to keep me busy (uncomfortable) and lunch with B (pleasant) and evening classes (long winded) to get dressed for.

update

1. i got the job
2. dog has been vaccinated (again)
3. dog has been wormed (again)
4. i got my green p's (in my own sweet time)
5. dog has been walked
6. dog has new food
7. credit card is back to under the limit (by $7 but nevertheless)
8. i am organising my clothesz
9. whilst watching friends
10. whilst reading lecture notes (semester break - lucky someone reminded me)
11. and thinking about lunch

wearing zara striped puffy sleeves victoriana top, tucked into kookai linen furniture print shorts beige (they were white once) haviannas

i hope tian is having an okay day today xox

nothing is fair

tian's father passed away last week

i cried for her father

and then i cried for her

and then i cried that i couldn't go to her in singapore

i miss being a kid in primary school

we used to rollerskate in our short shorts and spectacles

eat ice cream at swenson's with her parents

her dad made fun of me

he misheard me when i said

my stomach is invisible

i said it was invincible

i'm glad she has del

nail-biting

...is bad for you (cuticles? anyone?)

so is waiting for reference checks to be completed...

THAT'S RIGHT! apparently slap-stick comedy and shaky hands in an interview is a winner..

now my old managers just need to confirm that yes, Dommynikki is a consistent clown, yes she does sound hilarious in interviews, yes she does tend to sound like a chipmunk over the phone, yes if you thought it was strange and eccentric - she is always like that etc etc

hurry up hurry up hurry up

i'm going to break the phone from constant checking...!!

and this is driving us insane:

B - have they called you yet?

D - *sob* NO!

B - why don't you call your boss?

D - NO!

B - ok

(lather rinse repeat)

mount annan

karen millen for heels

1. the heels are those fantastic pointy ones
2. some have red soles underneath ... like Christian Loubotins!! (diff shade of course, but it's better than painting the bottom red myself on my days off)
3. crappy synthetic ones from tony bianco (he hates women.. there is no other reason why his shoes are so painful.. or he is into s&m) are like 200 or 250 anyway... i would rather pay 400 ish... for leather and hawtness (my own kind of s&m)
4. they are technically european (england)
5. i like them they are my friends they say nice things to me heeeheehee (so does moet)

pick me pick me

oh for sobbing out loud..

let's hope they do hire me for my looks! i wanted the job so badly i can't remember a thing i said...i was so exhausted by the time i got to evening classes i couldn't even remember my own name. almost. i can't remember.

i promptly bought a juice ($4.95~~~! ughhhh) called "mensa"

still waiting on that juice to work..doubt it

2nds?

I have my second round interview tomorrow!

WISH ME LUCK!!!

ironic thought #1

meanwhile, my dog has graduated from puppy preschool..

the certificate is mocking me on the fridge

tomorrow pookie will be teaching me to sit, stay, study

but alas, it will be too late

i am too old and my knees don't bend the right way any longer

uni deadlines looming

oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh!!!

we're bringin sexyback OH!

GOING TO JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE'S WITH LEANNE

ps to the brats that buy up all the pre-sale tix and scalp them at 5x the price...if i know you i prob don't want to be friends with you anymore
it's ILLEGAL n RUDE
HHMMMMPH!

it isn't a polaroid of my new dress...

but i like it anyway...

persecution complex

to the person who made me feel
this tiny and this worthless
who are you to judge the decisions i've made
so what if i went my own way
just because it wasn't anyone else's way
doesn't make it of any less value

to the woman who thought it was a competition
i don't want to win your idiot prize
don't sabotage me behind my back
i wasn't going to snatch anything from you
you can take it and keep it

how dare you let me doubt and regret

i hope i never do what you do to people
the only thing i judge by the cover
is a book
and even then i'll still look at
what's on the inside

didn't your parents ever tell you to do that?

carrie-on-crazy

it has been a week since full moon, and yet the madness is still hanging in the air; like a stormcloud perhaps... more like a bad smell (wet dog) or a bad pimple (use toothpaste-mint and alcohol wipes)

why do people sabotage anything remotely resembling perfection?

at the risk of sounding all Carrie Bradshaw:

why does anything great have to be too good to be true?...

why can't women get no satisfaction???

c'est uncroyable~~!

i am the world's biggest wuss...

i talk the talk but no one will ever see me walk the walk

it has taken me until now to finally check my grades for last semester

1. i have already started fall semester
2. grades were released the 18th of july - it is now..well, august
3. i have since the exams turned a year older (so to speak..age is a state of mind however, and mine is 12)
4. people have given up asking me how did i do in the exams...
5. i had resigned myself to never knowing until the end of my degree..if the paper didn't show up then i'd figure i must have failed something somewhere
6. pookie had to lick my hand whilst i checked

after all of that,

i got credits!!!

am pathetic n proud