little things mean a lot

Fave new tune

I love you
But I gotta stay true
My morals got me on my knees
I'm begging please stop playing games

I don't know what this is
But you've got me twitchin'
Like you knew you would

I don't know what you do
But you do it well
I'm under your spell

You got me begging you for mercy
Why wont you release me?
You got me begging you for mercy
Why wont you release me?
I said release me

Now you think that I
Will be something on the side
But you've got to understand
That I need a man
Who can take my hand
Yes I do

I don't know what this is
But you've got me twitchin'
Like you knew you would

I don't know what you do
But you do it well
I'm under your spell

You've got me begging you for mercy
Why wont you release me?
You've got me begging you for mercy
Why wont you release me?
I said you'd better release yeah yeah yeah

I'm begging you for mercy
Just why won't you release me
I'm begging you for mercy

You got me begging
You got me begging
You got me begging

Mercy, why won't you release me
I'm begging you for mercy
Why won't you release me?

You got me begging you for mercy
I'm begging you for mercy
I'm begging you for mercy
I'm begging you for mercy
I'm begging you for mercy

Why wont you release me?
Yeah yeah

Break it down(Mercy)

Beggin' you for mercy
You've got me beggin'
Down on my knees
I said, you've got me beggin'
Beggin' you for mercy

'Mercy' by Duffy

i like a man in uniform... DAMIER uniform

How adorable is this? After B emailed me to say he didn't have a tie for a total last minute work thingy, I decided to give the guy a break. I mean, nothing boosts my morale like a Louis Vuitton scarf, and I figure he deserves a little pick me up. So I got him the Damier Classique in the light grey. Adorable.

By the way, kudos to the customer service hotline, see below:

Dom: "I need to get a tie to match a pale pink shirt, what have you got in store?"

Victor: "Would you like a tie in a contrasting or matching colour?"

my god, points for that alone in my opinion. I'm so pleased about that service hotline, such fab help.

Obviously, he loved it.

Obviously, his colleagues loved it.

I win, I am awesome.

Job well done, good for me.

The end.

P.S. Totally hot scarves in LV at the moment, maybe I deserve a pick me up next week. Note to self: must call Victor.

One week away and the place goes into meltdown mode

The wonderful world of officelife...

I came back from sick leave (diagnosis: plague, symptoms: want to slam head into wall repeatedly, treatment: sob and sulk) to find my desk was a MESS.

It was already a mess when I left but the mess I came back to was just... war/earthquake zone still going through the aftershocks.. The fear of MORE drama has made me chug down as much vitamin C as my body doesn't think it wants and just hang onto the desk for dear life...

All this with an exam on Saturday that I cannot pull myself together to study for. Closed book exam... GAH

Will go buy myself some victoria's secret to cheer myself up...

One more day tomorrow! I love my job I love my job I love my job

This is us

If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?

If I couldn’t feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I’d be wishing you were here
To be everything that I’d be looking for

I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me
Love me like you’ll never see me again

Oh Oh Ohhhhh

How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it’s everything that we are looking for

When I wake up in the morning
You’re beside me
I’m so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for

I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
(can you do that for me baby)
Every time you touch me
(see we don’t really know)
Touch me like this is the last time
(see everyday we never know)
Promise that you’ll love me
(I want you to promise me)
Love me like you’ll never see me again
(like you’ll never see me again)

Alicia Keys - Like You’ll Never See Me Again
Writer Alicia Keys and Kerry Brothers Jr.

Updates

• Back at uni... I started last week, but my brain malfunctioned and I kept reading the class schedule wrong so ended up missing half the classes
• Am now older, see last post. I'm okay about it. I understand these things happen, as in Time happens.
• After suddenly taking leave last week.. as in day off on Monday, went to work for three hours on Tuesday and then promptly had to go on leave until yesterday I am now back at work. I think my job was making me throw up on top of everything else on my mind. Like physically. NO JOKE. It was like all year most days was "one of those days". I spent more time that day being ill then actually doing anything..
• I didn't really love July 2008. It wasn't that fab overall.

I am now officially older.

yes... that is my age. 26. years. old.

on a happier note the waitress was apparently overheard saying she thought it was a 19th birthday party.

unless that is in fact simply a reflection of my apparent immaturity. hmmph.

He really is good at managing my temper and neurocies for the most part. And where he isn't, he does pay attention when I give feedback. And it was so hilarious when he came walking over with the cake and candles... a sudden draft (stupid sydney!) and the candles went out midway through the happy birthday song. Perfect comic timing. I loved it.

Well, I didn't cry... but I did wear black.

And as usual, I didn't take that many photos. Partly because my camera charger is in storage where it serves no purpose, and partly because I never can be bothered. Whether it is reverse vanity, in that on those occasions I thought I looked good, I look lousy in the photos and vice versa so I don't purposely take photos or simple absent-mindedness...

Anyway...

Food delish, at Balkan Restaurant on Oxford Street in Darlinghurst. No one actually knows what Balkan is. I did at one time but promoptly forgot. It's grilled handmade sausages (so freshly made you can see the imprints of the cooks' hands), seared meat, huge mounds of potato salads, piles of cabbage salad and green salads, fried calamari, grilled tiger prawns, fish, garlic bread, fettucine pasta, seafood tomato pastas and.... But so yummy, I wish I had more, but too busy yapping. Heh. Price? About $40 per head plus BYO... reasonable, and there was a serious amount of leftovers which sadly, did not get taken away to a good home (i.e. my fridge). Next time I will bring tupperware! heeheehee...

And surprise surprise.. after dinner, a quick drink around the corner (which actually took longer than expected as I waited 20minutes plus for a cosmopolitan) and I was tucked into bed, falling asleep to a video. To be fair I did spend all day at Uni, so there.

It was a good night, but I'm happy to just plod along with some pretense of normality now. I wish it was still my birthday month. To be fair, people accept my claims that I get the entire month of July... which I then extended into August due to the lousy first three weeks of July I had. But they do say denial must end at some time.

The friends that did come, and those who tried to but couldn't and messaged me frantically to apologise made it a really lovely evening in a lousy month. Am I wrong to sometimes wonder why they like me? Or even to wonder that they do like me? I do that. Maybe I am a fatalist. Tian knows what I am talking about. I don't wonder about you. Miss you Tianbabes, I wish you were there, and I know you wish so too bestie. I got the card the night before my birthday. Perfect timing as always. and Perfect choice as always.

it's my birthday, i'm not getting any younger, or any botox. i'd like one in every colour:

i promise i won't misbehave

i promise i'll be your friend

who says men are no use?!

marcus has rescued my saturday night fever

yay!!

all we have to do is decide where we will drink

Rant #1

ugh...

another saturday night with NO plans
what am i supposed to do for entertainment then?! everyone sane is o/s or attending birthday dinners.

ugh ugh ugh

*scowl*

stupid sydney with your shops that close at 5pm... i mean. that's just dumb.

great, i just can't wait. just myself and my multiple insane personalities which i may or may not inflict on some club. i just want to shop!

ugh.

this is my reward for relishing a rough day at work, without any complaint and actually looking forward to more hard work because i like the challenge AND not buying a fendi belt for $400:

sensible-ness

*puke and scowl*

so childish, but can't help it.

what is "one of those days"?

one of those days:

• where nothing goes your way?
• everything is just too much/too hard/too stupid/too wierd
• you can't get it right
• you just can't get it
• no one likes you
• everyone hates you
• you're wrong
• you're not wrong but you suck, so
• you may as well just be wrong
• everyone seems insane
• everyone seems stupid
• everyone seems to be annoying
• you wish it wasn't one of those days
• you feel like you are stuck in the episode of seinfeld where Newman was everywhere/everybody got thrown in jail/people popped out of nowhere demanding you buy them dinner and then only ordering soup to save the dinner for another time/the soup nazi hated you/you got blacklisted from a coffee shop
• you can't stop wishing that people would stop calling it "one of those days"
• you can't stop wishing the above especially since it seems like there are alot more than just ONE
• you can't stop wishing that you were somewhere else... like between the moon and new york city
• you wonder why no one says the phrase:

"just one of those days", when:

• everything is just dandy
• everything is just perfect
• you can't stop winning
• everything you touch turns to gold
• everything you do is brilliant
• people can't stop worshipping your excellency
• hair looks great
• you feel great
• the sea will part for you

What about halfway through the day when everything is just dandy/perfect/fantastic and then it turns into "one of those days"? Shouldn't there be a cutoff point? Like, if your luck hasn't turned by 3pm it's not going to. Surely someone somewhere should say, "No, no.. today is a good day... try again tomorrow - let her carry on happy."

No such stupid luck.

There is always something, anything, everything, anytime, anywhere, anyone, everyone, everywhere.

Does this constitute 'glass half full until someone knocks it over and smashes the glass to smithereens' mentality?

I wish I were caught between the moon and new york city sometimes...like now...

"I know it's crazy...

But it's true..."

(good song, that... actually, another good song is "rain, rain, go away. come again another day. surely 'rain' is code for whatever random occurence that has just triggered the sabotaging of a great sense of contentment and pleasure with the state of your universe as you know it)

P.S. I'm not miserable, and I'm not even grumpy. I am just very, very, very tired of being on an emotional rollercoaster. If I want to get taken for a ride, I'll go to an amusement park...

Note to self: Try this at home

OMG my newest obsession!!! Shopstyle.com

Study Sessions: We love sounds

My last exam of the semester is tomorrow afternoon. I make it sound like I have been inundated with exams when I've only had two - but FYI two law exams are enough to make me squirm with nerves. It is what it is in the eye of the beholder.

So as people have come to expect of me, I am on the bed with notes sprawled everywhere. For once, FRIENDS is not on in the background - and I have not checked eBay since last Thursday...

But that's because I just feel like chatting with Tianbabes but she isn't on MSN.

Procrastination leads to an addiction to watching fashion clips

Catalogue Shopper

Wheee! Last Friday night after weeks of contemplating exchange rates, shipping rates, customs blah blah I placed my first order at Victoria's Secret.

I can't post everything I ordered *blush* but I can tell you that there is a very nice clearance sale happenning and I got this amongst other things:

USD24 plus shipping...

Even though it is the dead of winter in Sydney, I really fancy the nautical theme. I try to resist, especially when the entire world is following that trend, but now that the stripes thing seems to have fallen off the radar I am stocking up again once more.

I love online shopping, it's so much fun. I used to have too much fun on Ebay, and it's been a while since then. Hopefully, my mother doesn't mistake my shipment and end up wearing them herself "accidentally" (yeah, right a likely story... as if one doesn't remember that they did not buy anything recently and post it to themselves)

CAN'T WAIT! It's better than Christmas!!

diary reminder

fashion weekend is coming!

the major selling point of this outing is that, theoretically at least, it will be one massive weekend of bargain hunting in the one giant expo centre. this comes after years of everyone feeling so envious of londoners for having london fashion weekend, but never doing one over here

even fridays have to be earned

i have a teleconference next week..

have the files i don't even know, but that's ok. i said i will figure them out on monday because i am busy doing work today (for someone else)

and then, the prize winning employee of the decade said:

"oh one of those files should have been closed ages ago"

i said, "oh, so it hasn't?"

and the PWEotD said:

"no, there were all these actions that needed to be done. did you do it?"

i said, "no, i haven't received any notifications, i haven't even looked at it."

and then it (because SHE would imply that this was a human) said:

"oh, just shut it down. otherwise the client will be so angry."

i said, "but u just said there are actions outstanding!"

and it said:

"it should be ok, just shut it."

and i said, "i'll just explain to her at the teleconference that i will complete them shortly and shut it. i don't have time today plus i don't want to wind up in trouble shutting down something i didn't even know about"

and my throat started burning and my head was throbbing and i wanted to turn into a dragonball creature and throw a fireball at her so she could feel how i feel

this episode is in my "what not to do" series now..

i emailed tian and told her that i too now have an ABC or XYZ of my very own. she is the entire alphabet.

lucky lucky me.

where are you karma?

TGIF

OMG finally it's friday

so glad i don't work saturdays

just need to get through one more day

Results: FAIL

How well do you handle stress?



Mostly As


You are convinced that achievement is the way to gain respect and approval. Failure is not an option, and criticism upsets you because it makes you question your self-worth. You allow little time for relaxation because keeping busy is the best way to keep self-doubt at bay. Unfortunately, your way of dealing with stress is to view it as a weakness and an obstacle to overcome, denying any symptoms, and perhaps ignoring the early warning signs of serious illness. It’s important that you slow down and acknowledge the effect that stress can have on your health – such as insomnia, fatigue, increased blood pressure, headaches and more. It’s time to look at relaxation techniques – take a yoga class or find an outlet for some of extra adrenaline you’re carrying around.

Don't let it get to you? Go to a happy place?!

How can I not let it get to me??

I am here, and it is all over my intray, until even my outtray is just one more intray. It already got to me. Past tense.

My happy place is like, Fendi, on sale, with all the ridiculously cheap prices in rupiahs with Mariah Carey blaring on the sound system and FRIENDS on repeat in the background. Did I mention that in my happy place I am also 3 inches taller and wear a size 6?? And no one is in the background throwing all the random tasks that were overdue before I even started in my direction.

My manager hates Mariah Carey btw, so that already cancels out part of my happy place.

Meanwhile, more and more nonsense piles up and I don't learn anything aside from 50 different ways to hyperventilate into a folder that says "Legal - Urgent - Respond Immediately".

*headache*

Tupac did not give me any pointers on what to do next...

He should have suggested:

• Keep your head up
• Unless you are in Inverted V pose - and then look at your knees
• Keep trying
• Resist the urge to throw everything due back in August 2007 back at the sender and say, "if it wasn't urgent then it's not getting done now"
• Keep breathing
• Shrieking wastes oxygen
• Smile and wave
• Make faces in the reflection of the monitor when yet one more person rings you, emails, writes you, faxes you to say "oh how come this hasn't been done yet?"
• Don't freak out, see shriekin
• Don't resort to substance abuse

I am tired of being tired. It's only Monday. GAH.

Happy place.
Happy place.
Happy place.
Urgh.

I will wear my Fendi scarf, bring my Fendi bag and upload all my Mariah Carey songs onto my ipod and start again tomorrow. Plus, then I can wash my Les Pliages...

Congratulations to Ervin and Grace

i cried so much, on and off and on and off...

when i wan't crying, brian and i were chowing down

i'm so impressed with how much weight they lost for the wedding

i don't think i want to do that though...

When everything is too hard and nothing is getting you anywhere

there is nothing worse than the feeling that no matter how hard you are trying you can't keep your head above the water, and everything you are doing is too slow/too late/not great/still wrong/not as good as someone else

after what felt like a disastrous and disappointing end to a week of work, and the thought of the weekend didn't even cheer me up (because monday comes after sunday) i found myself listening to Tupac in the car with B whilst worrying about everything i have to race through to do on monday:

With all this extra stressing the question I wonder
is after death I feel my last breath when
will I finally get to rest from this supression
they punish the people that's asking questions
and those that possess
steal from the ones without possesions
the message I stress to make it stop
study your lessons
don't settle for less
even the genius asks questions
be grateful for blessings
don't ever change keep your essence
the power is in the people
and the politics we address
always do your best
don't let this pressure make you panic
and when you get stranded
and things don't go the way you planned it
dreaming of riches
in a position of making a difference
polititicians are hypocrites they don't wanna listen
if i'm insane then the fame
ain't about to change
it was nothing like the game
it's just Me Against the World

Me against the World
nothing to lose
It's just Me Against the World baby

Me Against the World
got me stuck in the game
It's just Me Against the World

I know it seem hard sometimes
but remember one thing
through every dark night
there's a bright day after that
so no matter how hard it get
stick your chest out
keep your head up and handle it

looking back i know it was probably a great week of work i had done in the circumstances i was in, and according to my manager i was just once again being unreasonably demanding of myself. i think about what my manager tells me "don't be so hard on yourself", "you push too much", "you give yourself such high expectations" etc.

i am hard on myself. i do push myself at work. i do place high expectations. i have given myself enough pressure that would lead to strokes in others. if i wasn't me i would fire me. not because i'm incompetent, just because i annoyed myself for not getting it done perfectly/quickly/immediately/already.

i'm lucky, i probably will never have such a reasonable manager ever again. but am i really lucky? if i wasn't the way i am wouldn't i have slacked off and let it all go pear-shaped several months ago? no doubt i do stress myself out beyond what is necessary, but if the other side to the coin is not caring until anything hits the fan then i don't want to be that person.

certainly, no one else is able to motivate me. i don't get psyched much by anyone's pep talks. i am not prone to bribery - i am not working in insurance for the money. One, it's not that good. Two, it's not that good. Three, see the above.

i want what i want. i care about what i do because my name is attached to the end result. i don't care if i get a promotion or a payrise or credit. i just enjoy knowing i did a good job.

i remember having hysterics more than once growing up because i was worried about not getting good results in the exams. it was beyond terror. it has improved over time. i've become reasonable - my standards are human standards now. i make jokes. i cry less. i make allowances. i no longer expect 90% and above after the first fright of starting university. i hand in assignments on time - most of the time. i understand "do your best and see how that goes".

but i will not settle for "okay" if i know that if i tried harder i can do better.

This is a typical example of a conversation at work:

Not Dom: "Dom, it's your lunch hour. Why don't you go relax instead of studying?"
Dom: "I need to keep up with my readings, exams are coming up and I'd like to get a credit average, at least."
Not Dom: "Oh, do you need that average to get Honors?"
Dom: "I'm not intending to do Honors. But I want a credit-average."
Not Dom: "Oh, a pass is still a pass you know. Don't be so hard on yourself."
Dom: "Yes, but I like credits."
Not Dom: "Hmmm." (Confused look)

Is there something wrong with wanting to do something and doing it well? Do people not equate trying harder with learning more? There is no problem with the phrase 'Try again', but there is a problem when people haven't tried at all.

I know the mistake I made last week was forgetting that you can try things again and learning from past experiences instead of panicking. But I won't let myself settle for less. Give me as many pep talks as you want but for once I will be singing Tupac's lines...

I want to buy a house (43 things)

with B…

it’s taking a while.. we managed to get the loan approval but it’s so hard walking in somewhere and thinking:

“what’s that smell?”
“what’s that wierd stain on the floor?”
“why are there no windows here?”
“does this place not come with plumbing?”

but it’s important to remember that if you are looking WITH someone that you have fun. when it becomes more stressful than it is exciting you start to forget why you wanted to do it, even worse, you forget why you want to do it WITH someone…

See more progress on: Buy a House

Top Pick for HK shopping trip

ASHLEY APARTMENTS HONG KONG

Tian is considering HK in the year end. I instantly started looking up flights. We could stay at Ashley Apartments and go shopping at our own leisure...

Too much uni work leads to avoidance tactics involving Facebook and Pringle-testing

Best flavour for Pringles ------ Smokey Bacon!!! Beats Texan BBQ handsdown. I always maintain that if one is going to eat processed junk then let it be the one with the most artificial flavouring - why bother with Original???

Facebook application overload --- in one day, I became a fan of Miu Miu, Fendi, Balenciaga and Will & Grace. I added Sticky photos to my home page. I congratulated every person with a new job and wished happy birthday to everyone else. I updated my Stylepix (whatever that is). I, who cannot actually stand Facebook and who prefers to blog instead.

Don't get me wrong though, I have still not done anything about the 251 emails in my Hotmail account, the 78 emails in my Yahoo account, the 12 voice messages on my mobile and the 241 (and rising) notification requests in my Facebook account.

All I am trying to say is that there is nothing like assignment time for suddenly catching up with old friends, rekindling random interests in or doing laundry.

MacQuarie University has a strict 'don't hand it in, don't bother coming back' policy for reports. I am lucky I went to UNSW for my first degree (weekends are freebies if you can afford the one day penalty for missing a Friday deadline, you get the next two days free!) and now UTS. I have found the deadlines vary between subjects. Is this my lecturer's preference? Dunno.

My report was due yesterday - I console myself with the thought that if I had become a writer, that I would be perfect at my job. Always missing deadlines and avoiding editors. I am employed in insurance at the moment and so far have not found it possible to miss deadlines. Dammit.

Interestingly though, for this particular subject, one is penalised at the rate of 1/2 mark per day late and 1 mark for every fifty words above 2000 words. So far I am one day late and on 879 words (500 of which are rubbish, which leaves 379 of questionable coherence).

FYI for those who care, this is Constitutional Law. Most people either loathe it or cannot stand it. The remainder are insane and can't get enough. I fit into the niche of those who can tolerate it but just can't stay awake for it. I refuse to sink to using NoDose.

Also, the question being asked in my assignment is the distinction between punitive and protection detention in light of decisions made in the High Court of Australia.

The answer is there is no clear distinction. Nobody could make up their mind.

That's 14 words right there. No chance of being penalised for exceeding the word limit then. Phew.

if only you saw it...

my armani xchange dress... was backless and very very short...
and machine wash possible! i have no idea when i can wear it again...

i heart u

my tisy bf at his birthday last saturday... he chose my dress (Wayne Cooper) and i chose his outfit

saturday morning on my own

did i mention i have temporarily moved in with b's?

yes, it's that time of year again... MOVING time... my parents lulled us all into a sense of stability for the past 5-6years at the 3br apartment (6 ppl - you do the math) and then up they leaped off the couch and threw us into a house for the past 12-14 months...and well.... it's go time again this month for us nomads

in the move, i have had to empty my room (omg i did NOT remember buying THAT many clothes!!!) into a STORAGE warehouse whilst my room and my brothers' and my gran's are being renovated...

i am camping at B's with his sister and parents. i'm like the sleepover that never ended... luckily they seem to like me but i miss not being a guest

i miss pookie (he is at the new place - unless mom has given him away without my knowledge, like my two dogs from childhood and then pretended not to realise they were missing until 3 years later admitting they were at my friend Sooping's home)

i miss having all my clothes (even the ones i didn't know i had still) in the one place JUST IN CASE i wanted them - in my defence, B has heaps of clothes and he is NOWHERE near alternating his wardrobe as i am - i have been with him for over a year and he wears like, 3 t-shirts....

i miss my insane deranged unreasonable ridiculous crazy bizarre family - they are crazy and they drive me mad but without them i'm too normal.

i miss my mom and the stress of not knowing what she will do to me next. i won't miss her when she realises i've nicked her vintage Ralph Lauren knit dress that i plan to wear today to a BBQ at Olympic Park. i definitely will not miss her when she realises that i have DESTROYED the vintage dior bag or "DOR" as it is now called... i miss her vintage bruno magli sheepskin boots. i miss her missing me. people don't realise that she is more the annoying older sister not really like my mom. B said why don't you call, but she will just nag me for things that are on my to do list. she doesn't even know i have assignments due and she doesn't show me that she cares what i do, so i'll only believe it when i see it.

i miss my grandma and yelling because she is so deaf, and repeating myself x6 per hour because she has short term memory/attention span.

i miss my poor dad.

i miss internet. B spent 2 hours on the phone with the TPG lady at the support centre (in the Phillippines!!!) who finally said it's my laptop that is not ok. so now i have had to subscribe to techno forum... on a saturday morning i am desperately messaging all these people and talking about domain name servers and ISPs and omg i do not understand what is going on....

i miss everything. i miss the old days.

I'll take two serves of crazy

What's not to like about Karen & Terry...
they are actually B's friends (Karen is one of B's besties and Terry is well, everyone's bestie as well as Karen's bf) but now everyone's chums

And so this is what happens when they come around to a birthday (B's last Friday).

ALWAYS invite them to a party. Props sold separately (or found on the pavement).

Today is Terry's birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY from Seaforth... where we are studying/trying to study/hopeless at concentration.

HAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUNHAVE FUN

I miss tian

I miss tian so much
I wonder if she got the stella mccartney
she messages me at random times, usually when i'm at work and freaking out
I hope she has a good day today, I can think of at least 12 reasons why I will not be okay today at work

I can't believe I forgot to do x
I can't believe I forgot to do y
I cANNOT believe I didn't do xyz (repeat x 12)
omg omg omg
deep breath deep breath
zennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

at least I can rely on my uni degree
I can't believe I forgot to do x
I can't believe I forgot to do y
I cANNOT believe I didn't do xyz (repeat x 12)
omg omg omg
deep breath deep breath
zennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

I miss you!! If you were here everything would be ok!
ps my new longchamp is dirty - it is white after all...

Wearing Zara military white top plus black jersey bubble skirt from Morrissey (aussie label), shoes can't be bothered. I will have to sell them if I lose my job most likely... vintage black Dior quilt bag with the gold letters ('i' is missing so it says 'dor'... I will switch the ''r' for 'm' shortly)

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOX

I cry because I care

It's hard making up. I think the longer you are with someone the longer it takes to sort through everything. The day I finally stop fussing would be the day there is nothing left to sort through except the remains of the day. When I never cry over something and am totally fine is the day I am fine alone too. It's hard to explain things like this to a guy. Girls understand. We fight with you because we are fighting for us. It is so important to me, especially the little things. The little things are the most important things.

ARE YOU STUPID

or do you enjoy acting dumb?

Someone please enlighten me why people feel it is necessary to overexpress their feelings towards their other close but nevertheless opposite sex friends in the ways they do??? Plus in public some more.
And then please advise me what would happen if I did the same thing?

I will not blow up
I will not blow up
I will not blow up
I might not bring it up

Do you just not think what other people might think? Then tell me why when I say or do things does it suddenly matter so much?

Celina's birthday at the argyle...

she is so thin she doesn't even need to suck it in for the cheekbones to pop out...
i, on th other hand, wound up with an astma attack after that attempt to match her.
leanne is my sydney-sider tian.
i look terrible in this one, but look how shiny!!!

...and exhale, the wait is over

going to melbourne tonight for the weekend!!!

must not: fall asleep and miss the whole thing
must: go to lygon street and eat pizza
must: go check out scanlan & theodore.. just to say hi
must: drink champagne
must not: leave shoes on the plane
will not: worry about anything

vicious cycle

everytime i'm left on my own at 11pm i get

hungry
tired
sleepy
bored
lazy
thirsty
hungry
hungry
hungry

yes i know i know, it's so last season

but i don't care, i still love you anyway you wierd looking thing...
now on sale at Bergdorfs...the injustice
why don't these things happen in David Jones?!

The beginning of a beautiful friendship

Whilst I have always admired Louis Vuitton... and I always have had an intense fondness for scarves...and a great affection for silk...
I NEVER came up with the GROUNDBREAKING idea of ADDING IT ALL TOGETHER...
Just like my love of laksa, I find myself wanting to go back for more...
I'm tempted to say I am loving LV scarves (have you seen the linen collection for summer?? so cute they hurt me!) more than any of my scanlan & theodore belts...
certainly I have been loving the pink champagne LV serves during Valentine's week, but I know better than to SUI (shop under the influence)

florence nightingale syndrome

Yesterday was Valentines Day.

I wouldn't say that I was a big romantic but it certainly wasn't spent the way I'd envisioned.

Clever B had already bought me flowers the day before.

At 10pm I found myself at a public school gym watching B play basketball after eating far too much at our fave Indo restaurant Ayam Goreng 99.
5 minutes into the game B and I were driving off to the emergency room to get B's upper lip stitched up.
Elbows can be dangerous.
I spent the rest of that night and most of this morning dashing between the counter to get more cotton padding to absorb the blood and charging to the carpark to check the car.
Weak from worry I barely managed to stand up to hold B's hand whilst he had his stitches done.
Unused to seeing B with his lip being sewn together I barely managed to appear encouraging every time he unscrewed his eyes open to peer at me.
The resident took so long getting the first stitch in, I had to summon all my wits to stop myself from shrieking at him, snatching the needle out of his hands and doing it myself.
6 hours later we rolled into bed.
This morning was spent calling his boss, his colleague, my boss, my colleague recounting the whole incident.
By the time I'd called my boss I had lost all sense of dignity and burst into tears and was sobbing the story down the phone to her.
I'm certain that if she were here she would have made me cocoa and tucked me into bed.
I'm certain that that would be entirely my fault as well.
B got his lip stitched together but I still need to have my nerves stitched together.
Ended up watching Kerri-Anne show to restore some sense of normality and then spent the rest of this afternoon cooking giant pot of congee to make myself feel useful.
Now researching Prada collection to be useful.

cindy & ty's wedding

of course there are other photos besides, but none of my dress and eyliner AND my nail polish...

dress: country road (bought same day at david jones, good old dj's!!!)
nail polish: red hot ayers rock
lipstick: chanel, random colour courtesy of karen's trip to hong kong

photos from last year

dita came to sydney (us at 333)..and promptly decided to move to china instead of stay a day longer
i got a job at the same place as caro... so we got to go to the same work christmas party... this is my idea of dress up - diane von furstenberg plus flower in hair
not the best photo of us, but it's up on my wall at work... i find it refreshingly frank.. plus you can see the rest of my DVF dress
leanne's birthday dinner at Waterfront...i paid something like $160 for two... ouch!!! but very yummy...
the old old oroton crew... we've all grown up so much: marcus graduated to bally; laura started colouring her hair; i require push up bras (i am growing backwards apparently); mirsad had his nose done *tear*

week in review

1 had a nap on NYE between the 9 and 12am fireworks

2 tanned on tha balcony NYD

3 took the 3rd off work sick

4 went to the david jones sale on the afternoon of the 3rd

5 Cindy and Ty's wedding reception on same

6 back to work in a good mood on the 4th

7 gym on a friday night

8 did my good deed of the week (bought tian one last thing for her package)

9 further negotiations with B

10 cooked dinner (thai flavoured chicken cakes with minted yoghurt; bread capsicum and tomato salad; wholegrain fettucine with eggplant relish)

11 further negotiations with B

12 nails done (on toes "you're such a kabuki queen" hot pink/ on hands "your royal shyness")

13 more gym

14 maisys with B (iced tea and cheesecake)

15 trying to update ipod

HAPPY NEW YEAR

My friend tony asked me what my resolutions would be for this year. it never occurred to me until that instant.

i told him at the time,
1. drink less
2. spend less
3. temper less

he laughed in my face.

one whole day into the year, and i suppose my resolutions are all the same obvious picks other people make.

maybe,
1. drink less
(coffee, that is. my alcohol intake is ok at the mo - double shots coffees several times a day must be unhealthy regardless of what my dull brain thinks)
2. spend less
(on shoes and bags, blah blah blah) i will be revising this, perhaps something like one big solid purchase for the whole year... at least i have a vague idea to start with, as if resolutions should be so concrete anyway, that is how they are broken within the week.
3. temper less
i think this is in progress. B did say one day that i have been behaving far better around full moon time... i am inclined to agree with him. altho i do get irritable when i am bored and have run out of things to do... i will try my best but at some point, i do get tired of trying to entertain myself and i just need someone else to prance around and help me along with the remaining 23hours of the day. usually, i get moody when i'm bored because before i was bored, i was hungry... it really boils down to neglect.
4. this year my wardrobe will be categorised and up to date...comprehensively
despite trips to ikea last year umpteen times with 3 different types of storage solution, my wardrobe remains in semi-chaos, within each storage system. at the moment, the only person who understands the system is myself.. the average person who walks into my room has no idea where to aim for if searching for a plain singlet. my mother knows this and heads straight to the washing line where she picks her victims (MY NEW WORK CLOTHES) straight off the line and squirrels them in her closet for all eternity. so even disarray does not work in throwing mummy dearest off the track i may as well just fix the plumbing, so to speak.
5. actually pay off the credit card.
6. study harder for that degree.
i honestly cannot handle the stress attacks knowing fully well i did not study hard enough at the beginning of the term.
7. work harder at that job.

i really don't want to put more than 7 up (7up!! haha) i think it is enough to look respectable. needless to say, if anyone asks i will completely forget what any of them are. in which case, i will turn around and decry the practise for being absolutely ridiculous and patronising anyway on the grounds that it implies people require the date to be 31 dec of any year to put into words any sort of aim that they should have acquired ages ago to begin with but have given up midway through the year and left it until the end of it and the beginning of the next to start all over again. at the end of this tirade which will sound absolutely inspired and unrehearsed, people will nod vehemently in agreement and declare that it is a shame more people don't think like this etcetera etcetera etc...

i turned this down....

i really really really really really wanted this...